Just a quick entry today to report on Sammy and Mwita.....

Sammy is looking a lot better. He is on fluids so not as dehydrated now. He is drinking well - but still vomiting so the Doctor wants to keep him in a few more days.
We are still waiting for his chest x-ray but there is not enough electricity to do it?

Mwita is still not eating well so we are going to make a 'food chart' from tomorrow to record all he eats in 24 hours. If it is not enough, the Doctor will but an NG tube in to feed him up a little. I think he does want to eat, as he asks for food - but he has been starved for so long that he has no appetite and gets full after just the tiniest amount. He is managing to hold a normal body temperature which is positive. He is loving all the attention from having someone with him 24 hours a day - and just wants to be cuddled continuously! He walked today as well - so he is gaining strength.

We have not heard from Seba and Omari's father since he brought the twins to us and we have been trying to contact him. I just discovered that he is very sick in hospital - so I hope to visit him tomorrow to find out more. I hope that he will recover and one day be able to take his babies home.

Today I held interviews for more carers at the Baby Home. We actually have plenty - more than 1 staff member to every 3 children (and volunteers on top of that) - but I know that Mwita will need a lot of care when he comes to us - and I also have some staff who are heavily pregnant and so needing maternity leave soon. We interviewed about 20 ladies, watched them play and interact with the children and I selected 5 to start work with us at Forever Angels in the coming months.

Sammy

Unfortunately we have had to admit Sammy to the hospital with pneumonia today. He had a cough and vomited yesterday so I did a malaria test but it was negative. He had no fever and so I just asked my staff to observe him carefully. He didn't drink well overnight and vomited quite a lot and this morning he was dehydrated. He drank re-hydration fluids - but still vomited and I became worried that he was going to lose too much fluid. By afternoon his cough was worse and he started to breathe too quickly.
We took him to hospital as I thought he needed IV fluids, but we insisted that he be admitted on the Children's Ward so that one of our Forever Angels staff can stay with him 24 hours a day.
He is now on IV fluids and antibiotics for pneumonia and when I left him this evening he seemed a little more settled. We will keep you updated. This little boy has only been alive for 8 weeks (and wasn't even due to be born until this week?!) and yet he has already battled so hard. Life is very unfair sometimes and he is just the sweetest little baby.


Mwita

Whilst in hospital we went to visit Mwita. I think I mentioned this little boy a few days ago? He was found on the streets, severely malnourished and with hypothermia. Chloe and I have been visiting him for a few days now as the care he is receiving in hospital is poor. He is rarely fed, never washed and left alone most of the day. Chloe and I have been taking food and clothes and toys for him and playing with him. In fact - Chloe spent most of the day with him yesterday as he refused to let her leave and now calls her 'Mama'. I think her half hour cuddle with him was the most affection this little boy has ever received?

He is about 3 or 4 years old (maybe even older?) and weighs just 8kg. He is just skin and bones and is covered from head to toe in scars. I do not think this little boy has seen much love in his life? It may be the case that Social Welfare decide to place him in a different orphanage - but the Doctors in the hospital want him with us at Forever Angels so we can 'Do a Haji' on him and give him the love, food and care that he needs.

When we went to see him today - he was naked (despite us leaving a large bag of clothes) and freezing to the touch. He had a temperature of less than 34 degrees! His file states quite clearly that he needs to be kept warm - but apparently this is too difficult? He had also not eaten all day because 'he didn't like it'? There comes a point where you have to be cruel to be kind and if force feeding is the only way to keep him alive - that is what needs to be done? In actual fact - Chloe and I both got him to eat with a lot of bribery and time.

Anyhow - it seems that he is NOT being cared for in the hospital and so I got angry (again!) at the staff. Then I decided to change tactics. Instead of words - I went with action! Chloe and I 'stole' him and put him in the Private room we have for Sammy. At least there - he will be cared for 24 hours a day by our Forever Angels staff - he will be loved and fed and checked on very regularly. I did tell the nursing staff before I left that I had moved him and they laughed and were very greatful that we had taken responsibility for him.

It may happen that Mwita does not become a Forever Angels Child - Social Welfare could put off admitting him for so long that it becomes too late for him? Or they may choose to place him somewhere else because of his age? Nonetheless - it seems that no one else is currently taking responsibility for this little boy - so we will. It seems that when an orphan is admitted to the hospital - no one is actually put in charge of caring for them - so often - no one does.

Little Mwita has had an awful life....he has not spoken of it, but his scars and skeletal body tell a story themselves. It makes me cry just to look at him. He is probably the most badly treated child I have ever seen.....and he is desperate for love. Sometimes I get angry at this country - angry that no one else wants to take responsibility and help children like Mwita. But then I look around me and see that most of the population are living hard, tough lives. Trying hard to feed and clothe their own children. Working hard to ensure that they can keep their own families alive for another day....and the nurses and Doctors here are no different. Tbey are not well paid and they work for the same reasons as the rest of the country - to keep their family alive.

With such an inadequate welfare system here - children like Mwita die every day unnecessarily.
For now, I am happy knowing that we are doing all we can to care for him properly whilst he is in hospital, and will try our best to get him admitted to Forever Angels as soon as possible so that we can give him a chance. I will keep you updated in this little boy.

Snotty Noses

It seems all the Baby Home children now have flu....and we are going through a lot of tissues! All the children have had slight fevers and a couple of days of coughing. Today, Haji also had a fever and cough. This is the first time for 6 weeks! We are hoping that it IS just the same cold the other children have and he will fight it quickly - but will be keeping a VERY close eye on him as children like Haji can develop pneumonia very quickly. Lets all hope that this current 'cold and flu' passes very quickly.

Yunisi

Yunisi was our first Forever Angels child and we always had high hopes of her returning to her Grandmother who was sick following surgery. Her Grandmother initially visited frequently - but then got sick again.
We have visited her in hospital and have taken Yunisi to visit her - but recent weeks have seen her take a turn for the worst.

She apparently discharged herself from hospital last week and then collapsed. When she was re-admitted she was taken the the 'Mental Ilness' ward. She has a very high count of cerebal malaria, dimensia and is refusing to eat. She told me that she wants to die so that we can find a family to care for Yunisi.
I was stunned at the awfulness of the ward she is on. It was like 'One Flew Over The Cookoo's Nest' - but multiplied by 100?! The smell of urine is overpowering. The ward itself is in the basement and all patients are drugged up to their eyeballs. The floors are soaked with urine and vomit and it is like something from a horror movie? Anyhow - I will visit her again tomorrow and am going to see Social Welfare to see if they are able to help in any way but I am guessing not. I think she will soon die, leaving behind her own 13 year old daughter (Sophia) and her grand daughter Yunisi.
Sophia still comes to visit Yunisi and loves her very much. I am going to try to find Sophia a place in another oprhanage until she is old enough to care for herself and maybe Yunisi in the future.

Ho hum - so that was Sunday! My day off!!....

I just thought I would give you all a 'Haji Update' since it has been a while since I wrote about him.....I think the following photos speak for themselves? The first is a photo of Haji the day he arrived at Forever Angels back in November, and the second is a photo of Haji today after his evening bath.



We took Haji to his ARV clinic this morning and the nurses and Doctors could not believe it was the same child. Previously at the clinics he has sat on our lap, whined to himself and has been very sick. Today he was smiling and laughing and waving at everyone - and pulling everything off the Doctors desk! In fact - he was a total pain in the bum!

Haji has gained 1.5kg in just 5 weeks and has not had fever for over a month. He eats so well now and is even trying to crawl. I can't believe that just 2 months ago I truly thought we were going to lose this little boy. He really is our little miracle and adored by all! Thank you to everyone who has sent him love and well wishes - and of course, to his sponsors.

Other news:

Cold and flu seems to have taken over the Baby Home and we have a lot of snotty toddlers running around the place - but apart from that - all the children are well.

Today we discovered another little boy at the hospital. He is severely malnourished and was found on the road 3 days ago. He went into heart failure, died and was rescusitated in the hospital. Thankfully he survived and is now on a Nutritional Supplement. The Doctor does not know his age, but I visited him today and guess he is about 3. The Doctor would like us to take him to the Baby Home so I guess I will be going to Social Welfare tomorrow after I have taken him some clothes and toys to try to persuade them to work quickly in transferring him to us. Here's hoping......?

Well, I spoke too soon about Tuliza! She came down with high fever today and slept most of the day. We tested her at the Doctors on Friday and discovered she had malaria - quite a high count really. I assumed that she had had it for a long time, and hence, was not sick from it. But it seems that it has effected her after all. She is already halfway through her malaria treatment so hopefully she will be fine again in a couple of days.

Pascal is now 6 months old so he had his first solid food today! I mashed up banana and added it to milk and he LOVED it! I am going to do a training course on weaning for my staff very soon. They have all really enjoyed the First Aid courses we have been doing on Saturdays. THANK YOU LISA - You are a star!

Just a quick one today.....

Well we have had a quiet few days at the Baby Home - but maybe it is a bad omen to say that!?

Tuliza, our new little girl, is getting on well. She is the same age as our other 4 toddlers so the 5 of them are very cute playing together. Today they were playing with water outside and had such fun splashing eachother.....even Haji joined in.

The 3 babies are all growing well and very healthy now which is wonderful. They are totally adorable and I even think Sammy smiled for me yesterday.

Haji's Dad and brother came to visit today, as did Yunisi's Auntie - so we had a very full house for lunch.

We have just got 2 new volunteers from Sheffield in the UK. They are here for 3 weeks and have just come from an orphanage in Kenya where they spent 3 months. I am sure they will be a great addition to Forever Angels - welcome Claire and Lindsey.

We are doing a bit of building work at the moment - so Cosmos (our Groundsman) is in his element again. We are creating an 'electrical independance' project. I don't actually understand it at all - but I am told there is a big battery involved and lots of wire and once it is finished, when we have power cuts, we will still be able to have lights in the Baby Home....so that's good!

Oh - I guess I should 'formally' write this - but we are looking to 'employ' a neonatal nurse (or children's nurse) for a few months to come out here and to train a Tanzanian nurse on how to care for our little / sick babies. Really - I'd like them to be able to put NG tubes in and IV drips and give antibiotic injections so we do not have to send babies to hospital unless there is a real emergency.
If you know anyone who you think would be interested - we would LOVE to hear from them.

Oh, and last, but certainly not least - I met up with my friend Brooke Montgomery at the weekend - she is an Adoption Lawyer in Dar es Samaal and has 3 adopted children herself. She has also recently established the Tanzania Adoption Soceity and was THE person to help us with our adoptions of Barna and Tia.
Anyhow - she is helping a number of families currently in the process of adopting in Tanzania - and she thinks she may have families for Charlie, Danny, Tuliza and Sammy from Forever Angels. So - if no familiy returns for these children - after 6 months, they could be adopted into new families.

Today we have had another busy day.

I took my sister Zoe to the hospital to visit the two babies and take milk to them....only to be told they had both been discharged!

I didn't believe it at all (so went to investigate myself!) but it was true!

Pendo's Father has changed his mind about the baby so now that he will also care for her - the mother was able to take her home. I am still not sure how well she can care for her daughter, but the main thing is that she wants to and she now has family support so at least she has the chance to try.

The other baby - Mattias - was taken home by his mother. I did not get the full story - but the mother had been in a police cell and had only just been released?

Anyhow - it is good news that the babies are with their families and not stuck in hospital beds unnecessarily.

This afternoon we got a phone call from Social Welfare to go to collect a new child. They never tell us anything about the child so until we arrive at the office we have no idea how old the child is or what their story is. It is always exciting to get a new child in our 'family'.

Our newest addition to Forever Angels is a beautiful little girl who Chloe named Tuliza. She was found on the streets yesterday and spent last night in a police cell whilst police waited for family to come to find her. This didn't happen - so she is now at the Baby Home. We guess she is about 2 years old and is already happy and playing with the other children. I hope she will only be with us temporarily and family will return to find her - but until then, she will be loved and cared for at Forever Angels.

I think her quick transfer to us, was Social Welfare's way of trying to make peace with me!

Hi all,

Well today I should be writing to tell you all about our 2 new babies - instead - I will tell you of the frustrations of living in Tanzania.

The Social Worker in the hospital is going on one months leave today - and didn't have time to complete the 'discharge' form for the two babies before he left. Actually - he had to sign one peice of paper as I had already completed the other paperwork for him....but this was 'not possible'.

He thinks I am 'very funny' (his words) to care about the welfare of a child I do not even know. Below is a few more of his 'excuses' as to why a signature was just too hard....

Before Forever Angels - there was no where to send these babies - so they stayed in the hospital.....sometimes for months. They were ok. That was the way of things.

Why am I rushing this? There are procedures to follow.

Pendo is sick - she'll probably die - leave her in the hospital and then she wont become anyone's problem.

The other baby just arrived. It will be fine for a while until I have more time to go to see it. It is just lying in a cot - what harm can come to it?

Yes, the babies do often get malaria here and aren't fed properly so become malnourished - but it is a hosptial - this is the best place for a sick baby.

It is just an orphan - why do you care?

AND LOTS MORE!

Basically - previous procedure has been to keep the babies in hospital until a full investigation was carried out. With the slowness of 'procedure' here - this did often take 6 months. So the babies stayed in the hospital - fed when they were remembered, getting more and more malnourished, never picked up and often catching malaria.

Now a Baby Home does exist - which will care for these babies whilst an investigation is being carried out - Forever Angels will take the burden from them. But changing attitudes and procedures is SO hard here.

No one involved in these babies sees any rush in getting them into a home. There is a hierarchical system here - men, women, children - and then orphans. No one understands why I care about these babies and want them in a loving environment.

I will change this. I will make this transfer process faster - but I must work with care.
I can not fight with the hospital or the Social Workers as Forever Angels must continue to work with these people in order to continue our work here.

I was so angry. I left the hospital seething. But then I went home to Forever Angels to the babies we do have and I quickly calmed down.
Every child has gained weight this week. The tiny babies are doing really well and Haji now weighs 7.29kg (his best weight ever!) Through all the frustrations - we are doing a great job for the 11 children in our care and we must continue to do so.

I will get these other 2 babies (at least I hope they survive long enough to get transferred to us) but I am not able to change this cultural disregard for children - at least not yet! I will continue to visit and them take milk to them and hope that by showing the staff someone DOES care, they will look after them well until we can get them into Forever Angels.

I love Tanzania - I love the people and the culture. I do not love the fact that orphan babies are insignificant and worthless. Slowly, slowly, we will try to change this.

Well it has been a relatively quiet week.

Sammy, Seba and Omari are doing well. Sammy wasn't gaining weight and I thought he still had malaria - but his test was nagative so I think he just had a cold. He now seems a lot better and has gained weight in the last couple of days.
Omari also wasn't gaining weight and still had sickness and diaoreah - but thankfully he seems to be over it and also gained a little weight.
Seba was doing wonderfully. She is gaining a LOT of weight - but she does seem to have caught the cold which is going around and she has been snuffly and coughing quite a lot today.
They are all wearing nice new 'premmie' clothes and look very smart.

Haji is still eating so well, has no fever and although his ear infection is still there - he is doing brilliantly. He is almost 7kg meaning he's put on almost 1kg in just under a month! This is excellent as according to his medical notes, he has gained no weight for the past 14 months! He is like a changed little boy!

The others are all doing well. Yohana continues to mature - he is such a lovely little boy. Neema and Mwanaidi, the Bethany girls, are going to take him to church in the morning so he is very excited about that - and he enjoyed helping me do the Baby Home supermarket shop on Friday!

Yunisi, Sarah, Danny and Charlie are being potty trained......well, they are trying! They are all growing so big and their little personalities are really starting to come through. And they are all learning together, quite sucessfully, how to have a temper tantrum!

Pascal is almost 6 months now so I am teaching my staff about weaning diets for him. His Dad came to visit on Friday and brought his new wife along! It seems quite soon for him to remarry - but his new wife was very loving towards Pascal. I am hopeful that this means that Pascal can be returned to his family when he is 1 or 2 years old and his new Mum will care for him.

Chloe is having a well deserved holiday with her parents and I have my sister, Zoe, here for a couple of weeks.

We are staying in touch with the hospital and still hope to collect the two new babies on Tuesday.

Oh, one of the new ones, Mattias, may not be a boy afterall! S/he was dressed in pink (which doesn't mean anything here!) and all the doctors refer to the baby as 'her' and 'she'.....but with the name Mattias?....I guess we will find out when we change the nappy!

Hi there - Just a quick entry today.

On Tuesday we should be getting two new babies - Pendo, the baby with the stoma and also a 3 month old baby boy called Mattius. Mattius is a chubby little thing and apart from a cough - he seems healthy. He has been at Bugando a week already as he was found on the street - but Social Welfare at the hospital have yet to read his file and allocate him a home. I only stumbled upon him accidentally whilst snooping!

The Social Worker said it would take 'a few weeks' to get his paperwork in order. I have shouted lots to try to get him (and Pendo - also waiting for a signature) home today - but apparently walking up two flights of stairs is quite difficult to manage on a Thursday morning - and I am not able to do it for them - so we need to wait until Tuesday!? Don't ask! By then both babies will probably have contracted malaria and be half starved but sometimes even I don't win these battles!......Tuesday it is!

Well - it has been a relatively quiet week at Forever Angels so far....

The twins are doing well. Seba is gaining weight brilliantly, but Omari does not seem to be gaining very well. His sickness seems to be a lot better now so maybe his weight will illustrate this in the next few days.

Sammy is not doing so good - but he is drinking well and the malaria has definately gone as I re-tested him today.

The other children are all well - a few coughs and colds here and there - but it is still 'Winter' here and to be expected.

Haji is our little star - and is looking healthier every day. People who visit can not get over how well he looks - he is even trying to crawl now!

I think we will be bringing the baby from Neonatal Unit home later this week. I think I mentioned her before on this diary? She is only 1.4kg and was born with no anus so had surgery to create a stoma. Her mother is mentally ill and is not able to care for her.

To be honest - after last week - my initial reaction was to say 'no' to taking this baby girl. She is very sick and weak. Many other have expressed concern about us taking her and do not see her survival as very likely.

I have also been questioned about what Forever Angels is. I guess it was not meant to be a Hospice? But Forever Angels IS dedicated to caring for children who are orphaned, abandoned, HIV positive, or who have no one else to care for them.

I am not here to pick and choose. To take the healthy and reject the sick. Forever Angels is here to give each baby who needs us - love, care and attention for as long as they need it.

Maybe in this case it will just be a week. Or maybe it will be a year or more? My job is not to play God - it is just to provide love. In a way - Forever Angels WILL be a hospice to some. I thought it would be for Haji - but thankfully he has proved me wrong. It isn't a hospice for Haji - it is his home.

The little girl is called Upendo - which is Swahili for 'Love'. She may prove to be hard work and cause us heartache and pain.....but she is an innocent baby, who, without our love, will remain on Neonatal Unit until she dies.
At least at Forever Angels she will have a fighting chance - and after all she has been through in her little life - she HAS continued to fight. We must too.

A friend of a friend sent me this poem for Nyanda. I thought I would share it with you all.....

God looked around the garden
and found an empty space.
He looked down upon the earth,
and saw your little face.

He put his arms around you,
and lifted you to rest.
God's garden must be beautiful
for he only takes the best.

It broke our hearts to lose you,
But you did not go alone,
A part of us went with you,
The day God called you home.

A million times we needed you,
A million times we cried,
If love could have saved you,
You never would have died.


Thank you Bethany.

Today was a sad, and yet uplifting day.

We had a service for Nyanda. We planted a tree and a wooden cross in a small area of the Baby Home plot which will now be a 'Garden of Remembrance'.

All of the Baby Home staff attended, as well as our Gardeners and Groundmen. Hence the uplifting part of today. I was touched by the true sadness of all my staff about Nyanda's death. Like me, they truly did love and care about him.

He was only in our lives for a very short time - but my staff are wonderful people - and they don't just work at Forever Angels - they truly love our children.

Children who are sick, abandoned, orphaned, unwanted and HIV positive.....my staff treat them all with love and respect and become their family.

For that - I am truly greatful. Forever Angels wouldn't be the wonderful place that it is without my amazing staff.

Nyanda is now buried with his Mother and we have all had chance to say our goodbyes. The ceremony was short but it summed up our love of Nyanda perfectly. He will be remembered always.

I'd like to say some thank you's.....

Thank you to Ian Wilson for a touching and poignant service today - I really appreciate it.

Thank you to Chloe for your continued support, dedication to Forever Angels and love of our children.....and for being so strong throughout these last few days when I couldn't be. Thank you also for reading my poem.

Thank you to all my staff for their love of our children and their hard work at Forever Angels.

Thank you to Josephine for translating the service today. I know you found it very difficult and were deeply upset. I really appreciate it.

Thank you to Sarah and Chris, Lisa and Andrew and Ben - all truly wonderful friends of mine who make days like today just that little bit easier.

And thank you to everyone who has sent messages of condolences for Nyanda. People I know well, and total strangers. I have felt a lot of sadness and anger this week, but reading your messages, and knowing that the death of Nyanda touched so many people is uplifting. This little baby was truly loved and for that, I am happy.

Today has been yet another long and emotionally draining day at Forever Angels. I have witnessed things and done things since opening the Baby Home that I never thought I would. I think I have aged about 20 years since last August.....but it IS worth it. Our babies make every day, every sorrow and every heartache worth it.

I spent the morning in Igombe - a village about an hour and a half away from Mwanza. I was with one of the Administrators from Social Welfare and we were trying to find Nyanda's family. After finding the village elder - we actually found his family members relatively quickly.

When we first got Nyanda, we were made to believe that he had no family alive and it was his neighbours who brought him to Social Welfare. This proves to be not quite true. Nyanda's father is currently in hospital, dying. But he has an Uncle, Grandmother and Grandfather who are all extremely poverty stricken. But desperate people do desperate things......
I have been in many Tanzanian houses - generally they are small, crowded and very basically furnished. Nyanda's house was the most basic I have ever seen. It was tiny. Eight people lived in it and there was no furniture. In the corner was a small table with 2 blankets on and a cooking pot and spoon. The family own nothing else but the clothes on their backs. The family live in dire poverty and they lied to Social Welfare to ensure Nyanda was taken and looked after. They did love him and they did care for him - but simply had no means to look after him.

When I told the family that Nyanda had died - they were obviously upset, but not angry. They lost their daughter just one week ago, now their grandson has died and their son in law will also soon follow.

I did not tell them the full story of Nyanda's death as I did not feel it was appropriate. I simply told them that Nyanda has died in the hospital due to Malaria.

I asked them if they would like to take Nyanda's body to bury him in their village and initially they said no. After some discussion - it turned out that they really did want to - but after burying Nyanda's Mum just last week - they do not have the financial means to arrange another funeral.

Knowing this, that they wanted Nyanda and wanted to bury him with his Mum, I said that I would pay for a funeral for Nyanda so he could be buried at home.

I then drove them into town and to the hospital. The road was horrendous - impassable at times without detouring across fields, through people's yards and through streams - in different circumstances it would have been funny, but today it just felt like one more hurdle to cross.

On the way, I collected the coffin that I ordered yesterday for Nyanda. They made a really nice job of it - but seeing how small it was made the unfairness of this seem so huge.

The hospital mortuary was awful. I don't think I will forget some of the things I saw today. Maybe it is a cultural thing - but there is no dignity or respect given to the dead here. Nyanda's body was literally thrown onto a table. He was wrapped up in sheets like a mummy and I couldn't bear him to be buried like that.

I washed him and dressed him in his smartest clothes, wrapped him in his blanket and lay him in his coffin with the cuddly toy he received the day he arrived at Forever Angels. It was a very hard thing to do - but I am so glad that I did. He looked like he was simply asleep and I now have a more peaceful last memory of him.

The Grandparents were very grateful, and watched the whole process whilst praying. They were very happy that he could be laid to rest looking like the beautiful little boy he was - and that they did not have to worry about surviving the rest fo the month because of the cost if it.

Tomorrow, Nyanda will be buried next to his mother, in his village where he belongs. For this, I am very happy.

People keep giving me their condolences and telling me that we did wonderful things for Nyanda at Forever Angels. We did. We loved him and we gave him the best care we could. My only regret is that this little boy died alone. I will learn from this and no Forever Angels Baby will die alone again.
It is hospital policy that parents can not stay with their babies in Neonatal Unit. But policies can and will be changed. Sometimes we have no choice but to hospitalize our children - but next time I will fight to ensure we can always stay with our babies. So some good will come of this.

And Baby Nyanda is now with his Mum and at peace.

We are going to have a service for Nyanda at the Baby Home on Sunday. We will plant a tree and say goodbye to him properly. All my staff want to attend so I have some friends to take care of the Baby Home children whilst we all say our goodbyes.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The twins have still got diarrhea and so has Sammy. I think it is just because of the unsterile feeds they received before they came to us - but Chloe took them to hospital today to be sure.
The results showed no stomach infections, but that Omali has malaria. However - I have just performed Malaria tests on the twins and Sammy and they were all negative! Oh how I wish for a good and reliable hospital!?

To put my mind at rest, my Doctor friend is coming tomorrow to check out the babies - but I think a lot of our worries come from my staff being scared and overly precautious because of what happened to Nyanda. They now do not want to miss anything which is understandable.

Thank you all for your condolences and e-mails - we do appreciate it. Nyanda is our first Forever Angels Baby to die - and unfortunately, I am sure he will not be the last.
Sometimes we can not change the world even though I wish I could. We all have to put this behind us, remember Nyanda as a beautiful little boy and carry on caring for our Forever Angels Babies.

MY TINY ANGEL

For much too short a moment,
This angel came to me;
He graced us with his tiny life,
But now he is set free.

My Baby Angel has now gone,
His time with us so small,
And yet this child so innocent,
Brought such love to us all.

This Angel came for reasons,
I do not understand;
And left again so suddenly,
Flown to a better land.

His journey brief, was filled with love,
Though hard and full of strife,
A life cut short, I'd wished for you,
A long and happy life.

I close my eyes and think of you,
I see your tiny face,
I hope that now, you are at peace
And have flown to a better place,

One more star will shine tonight,
And one more tear is shed,
One more wave will crash at shore
And one more prayer is said.

So, rest now my tiny angel,
Your time with us is through;
You will be in my heart forever,
And Nyanda, I'll always love you.

Today has been a sad day. Baby Nyanda died in hospital this morning.

I would like to say it was because he was very sick - but he wasn't. I visited him just yesterday evening and he was doing fine. He did have malaria and his hand looked sore where his drip had tissued - but he was doing well and I expected him to be discharged today.

I got a phone call from the Doctor at 7.30am this morning to say that Nyanda had vomited and aspirated (choked). He died because no one heard him and so didn't help.

Last night there was only one nurse on duty on Neonatal Unit - caring for almost 30 babies - most of whom were much more sick than Nyanda. It is not the nurses fault - but the Management of the Hospital.

Our little boy died unnecessarily.

I am angry and sad and have had a very busy day so haven't even really had time to think about it all.

The Doctor has asked me to write an Official Letter of Complaint to the Hospital - which I will do - but I don't expect it will do much good.

It takes a miracle to change things here - I went to the hospital this morning to see Nyanda and to speak to the Doctors - there were 3 nurses on duty - and not one of them was in the actual room with the babies. They all sit at desks paper shuffling at best, or at worst, just chatting.
Our baby died last night and they were still not doing any 'nursing'.

The whole process was awful at the hospital. Nyanda had been wrapped up when we arrived - but he was just plonked on a metal table in the sluice room. We asked for 5 minutes alone with him - but that was too much to ask for and after a lot of huffing and puffing we were finally allowed to take him to the linen cupboard!
We had to wait for him to be taken to the mortuary and then I wasn't allowed to carry him - but he was literally dropped into a metal trolley and carted off.....stopping at ICU on the way to collect another baby who died in the night!

Poor Nyanda would have been better off at Forever Angels receiving no medical care than in the Neonatal Unit. I just wish I had known. I think we have learned a valuable lesson about the hospital - but when we have sick children - we have very little choice. This is the best hospital in the City.

I am going to try to find his relatives / neighbours in the village tomorrow with Social Welfare and then once we know their wishes, we can make plans. Sometimes the family want to arrange the burial themselves, often they leave it to the Baby Home.

Whatever their decision, we are having a Service on Monday at the Baby Home for Nyanda. He was only with us a short time - but Forever Angels is like a family and these children are loved from the minute they come to us. We are all devastated to lose Nyanda and angry at the circumstances....but this only reinforces my entry the other day about the desperate need for more funding for nurses at the hospital - and UK trained Neonatal nurses to come out here to help and to train.

Sometimes what we do here is never going to be enough.

Nyanda will be truly missed by us all - our first precious angel has flown.

* * * * * * * * * * *
It seems strange to add 'good news' to the end of this entry - but after the sadness of this morning - there was some light in the afternoon. I spent the afternoon collecting a set of 10 day old twins - one boy and one girl. Their mother died just after giving birth and the Father is unable to cope. They seem well and alert , but have diaoreal infections and some skin lesions which we will get checked out by a Doctor tomorrow.

For twins they are quite a good size....but maybe I am just used to very small babies now? Seba is 1.92kg and Omali is 2.54kg.

Please have all my staff and babies in your thoughts on this sad day.